The Beverage Girl: supervising master of liquid energy and musical theater
The Beverage Girl lived and obsessed in the Midwest, but we didn't hold that against her. And now that she lives in LA, we don't hold that against her. Her free time is devoted to her caffeine addiction, her doggie and kitties, and her notebooks of fiction she has no intention of publishing (not). Her non-free time is devoted to forty hours a week as one of the least enthusiastic media research wanks around, and pursuing a graduate degree so she can in fact be smarter than you. She doesn't like walks on the beach or romantic dinners, but she has been known to squeal in delight at fuzzy kittens and puppies. She wants to rule the world, or at least kick some ass in the meantime. She's the one who turned a dream about a Sports Night inspired soundtrack into musical reality.
Shaka Plan: minister for obscure music, pop culture, and video propaganda
A freak laboratory accident involving Pixie Stix in 1983 imbued Shaka with the sponge-like power to absorb countless tidbits of music trivia and an uncanny knack for knowing the title, artist and video plotline for that one song no one can remember, but can hum the tune for. She has the power to summon decades of random facts by merely crossing her eyes, chanting Spandau Ballet lyrics and morphing back into her L.A. Gear-wearing teenage self. And she's a Valley Girl. No really, she is. She's got the title of "First Official Contributor" by devising Terra Firma, her brainchild.
Mr. Botts: bringer of the Happy
He's happy and he knows it, clap your hands. He masterminded Irrational Exuberance, and smiled while doing it.
[Your name here]
Have you ever dreamed of a career in the recording industry? Join our award winning team of top-notch artists and designers. To be a part of our fast growing, high tech organization, go here.
Production Team
Handpicked from the finest Columbian coffee fields, our production relies on the following crackpots...
Monkeyboy Reuster: co-creator, producer, mastermind, artiste en residence, and graphics poohbah
The Reuster is an urban penthouse monkey trapped in a one-escalator town. He gets paid to shape impressionable minds at a large Midwestern university, but he's really scheming to become the next Citizen Kane. Sometimes the Monkeyboy will dance for a dollar, but more often he's careless enough to give it away for free.
DJ Captain Kirk: co-creator, recording engineer, PR machine, and resident spazz
A.k.a. slgorman, she's a not-so-quiet, not-so-mild mannered, yuppie scum by day and a heavy sleeper by night. One half of the TableForOne Board of Directors and the token chick, she's all silliness, all the time. Learn more about her at her LiveJournal.
Ape Man Dave: quality control supervisor and marketing genius
First off, he has an extraordinary ability to jump start our stalled thought processes and to find great parking spaces using his Dalai Lama-ish "park-ma," all at the same time. Like a divining rod, he can also find you a great place to eat, no matter where you may find yourself. He has promised to make every one of our CDs go multi-platinum -- if only he could market and sell them for us.
The Jester: musicology research specialist, quality control technician, de facto instigator, and muse
Being the Captain's younger brother was in no way instrumental to his being listed here. Except that it was instrumental. His gift of a thematic mix tape started it all. So feel free to blame him; everyone else does.
Monkeyboy Reuster: co-creator, producer, mastermind, artiste en residence, and graphics poohbah
The Reuster is an urban penthouse monkey trapped in a one-escalator town. He gets paid to shape impressionable minds at a large Midwestern university, but he's really scheming to become the next Citizen Kane. Sometimes the Monkeyboy will dance for a dollar, but more often he's careless enough to give it away for free.
DJ Captain Kirk: co-creator, recording engineer, PR machine, and resident spazz
A.k.a. slgorman, she's a not-so-quiet, not-so-mild mannered, yuppie scum by day and a heavy sleeper by night. One half of the TableForOne Board of Directors and the token chick, she's all silliness, all the time. Learn more about her at her LiveJournal.
Ape Man Dave: quality control supervisor and marketing genius
First off, he has an extraordinary ability to jump start our stalled thought processes and to find great parking spaces using his Dalai Lama-ish "park-ma," all at the same time. Like a divining rod, he can also find you a great place to eat, no matter where you may find yourself. He has promised to make every one of our CDs go multi-platinum -- if only he could market and sell them for us.
The Jester: musicology research specialist, quality control technician, de facto instigator, and muse
Being the Captain's younger brother was in no way instrumental to his being listed here. Except that it was instrumental. His gift of a thematic mix tape started it all. So feel free to blame him; everyone else does.
Currently In Production
As always, this site is a work in progress. Help that progress by suggesting some tunes for our up-and-coming compilations:
- Anti-Globalization
Hate the WTO? Love the thought of anarchy? We need your help to find appropriate anthems for this non-violent protest. DJ Captain Kirk runs this enterprise, drop her a line and leave a comment. - While you were sleeping
We need a nap so we need your help with this one. Give us your songs about sleep and your need for more of it. Monkeyboy will wake up if you leave him a comment.
Library
Here's the TableForOne Productions collection, easily listed and described. To access additional information about a specific compilation just click on the title to see the playlist, approximate playing time, suggested additions (when available), and CD jewel case jacket information and details. Add a comment to a list if you've got an opinion or want to make a suggestion for that list. Easy as pie ("uummmm.....pie").
Anywhere But Here
Alec Baldwin proudly proclaimed he'd "leave the country" if Bush the Second won the election. The TableForOne media empire quickly set about producing a development deal for a daring new TV pilot involving Baldwin's world-wide hunt for a new place to call home--"The Getaway." Since the temperamental Baldwin would never find a place without strife or angst, we envisioned the conclusion of each episode consisting of Alec boarding a plane screaming, "...and I'm never coming back!" This compilation is the soundtrack to Season One.
Career Fair
Are you ready for an exciting career in the medical profession? In just a few short weeks you could be ready for a job either helping doctors with patients or running the front office. And thanks to DeVry's convenient night and weekend technical program, you will be able to get a good job, get off the bottle, stop beating your spouse, buy shoes for your kids, and otherwise turn your life around in no time. Or, if night school is not for you, just look at all these other possibilities in which workplace bliss awaits.
Clutch
This was the inspiration for this entire endeavor. Crafted by The Jester, this tape was a gift to DJ Captain Kirk when she got a green Jetta named Squeak. Too bad he didn't have a copy of "The Wheels on the Bus" because it's got it all except that one.
G Duh-bya's Inauguration Soundtrack
[Or "How did this happen?" Or "We certainly didn't vote for that clown!"]
OK, maybe we're panicking a bit, but this "president" looks too much like a chimp (not a monkey) to instill much confidence. Remember, we come from California, staunch Democratic territory. Anyway, thank goodness CDs don't wear out like tapes do, otherwise this one would never withstand the intense play it got over two administrations. We sincerely hoped this compilation would be able to survive the second coming of Bush, since we were pretty certain our prosperous economy wouldn't. And didn't.
Get Your Bitch On
[Or "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."]
Do you find the adjectives bitter, mad, angry, and cranky aimed at you? Well, so does the Captain, a lot. This compilation lets you know you are not alone. And lets you scream. Two for the price of one!
Irrational Exuberance
You can tell, right off, that Mr. Botts created this list. First, look at that title again. I mean, it's a CD full of happy songs. Nice, cheerful, smile-inducing songs. That is so not us. But it might be you. So here you go, Humming McJoyful. Enjoy.
Juvenile Hall
Back in our day, "being bad" did not involve blowing away your teacher and classmates. Not that we would know; we were too busy going to band camp.
Pop Goes The Vatican
On the eighth day, they made a mix tape. After the sin of our original compilation, Table For One, our collective guilt forced us to atone and repent by offering up this divine sacrifice. Holy compilation, Batman!
Shopping at GapKids
Some people like little people, and not in the way we do. While not condoning, we try to be understanding. It usually doesn't work.
The Unofficial Offical Sports Night Commemorative CD
It was a "good show" while it lasted. It had great source music. [Have no idea at all what this show was? Try this.] Instead of crying, why don't you try something healthier like listening to this homage?
Stalker Double CD Set
Pull out that restraining order, and have yourself a party. Our very first set!
Table For One
Music for a night alone. In the words of the immortal Madonna, "Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another." Our media empire was borne of this immaculate conception.
TableForOne Goes To War!
Listen to these carefully selected classics about the end of the world while watching it unfold live on CNN and Fox Propaganda Network. Sure to please everyone on your list, especially those fascist Republicans you just can't manage to exorcise from your life. (Compilation is free. Cost of military issue clear-plastic CD jewel case: $542.68)
Terra Firma
Topographical information, directional assistance, and the physical characteristics of the world we live in. All conveniently covered musically for your listening pleasure.
Turd in the Gene Pool
Ever feel like Lester Burnham at the beginning of American Beauty? Or perhaps you feel like DJ Captain Kirk on a bad day? Either way, you'll appreciate this collection of songs about self esteem.
United Colors of TableForOne
We believe in diversity. We welcome the future. We fight for freedom. And we celebrate the differences that make us people. Black. White. Red. Yellow. Pink. Brown. Chartreuse. Lilac. Eggplant. Sea foam. All the colors of the rainbow. One world. One humanity. One album. We are TableForOne Productions. (Are you wearing our clothes?)
Valentine's Day 2003
Who needs a dozen roses from some temporary Romeo when you've got a lifelong friend to send you a musical sentiment like this? Lucky for you, we are that friend. Since we can't be there to take you on a non-date for the evening, set aside 72 minutes, get comfy, put on your headphones, and don't let anyone interrupt. And remember, we love you.
Anywhere But Here
Alec Baldwin proudly proclaimed he'd "leave the country" if Bush the Second won the election. The TableForOne media empire quickly set about producing a development deal for a daring new TV pilot involving Baldwin's world-wide hunt for a new place to call home--"The Getaway." Since the temperamental Baldwin would never find a place without strife or angst, we envisioned the conclusion of each episode consisting of Alec boarding a plane screaming, "...and I'm never coming back!" This compilation is the soundtrack to Season One.
Career Fair
Are you ready for an exciting career in the medical profession? In just a few short weeks you could be ready for a job either helping doctors with patients or running the front office. And thanks to DeVry's convenient night and weekend technical program, you will be able to get a good job, get off the bottle, stop beating your spouse, buy shoes for your kids, and otherwise turn your life around in no time. Or, if night school is not for you, just look at all these other possibilities in which workplace bliss awaits.
Clutch
This was the inspiration for this entire endeavor. Crafted by The Jester, this tape was a gift to DJ Captain Kirk when she got a green Jetta named Squeak. Too bad he didn't have a copy of "The Wheels on the Bus" because it's got it all except that one.
G Duh-bya's Inauguration Soundtrack
[Or "How did this happen?" Or "We certainly didn't vote for that clown!"]
OK, maybe we're panicking a bit, but this "president" looks too much like a chimp (not a monkey) to instill much confidence. Remember, we come from California, staunch Democratic territory. Anyway, thank goodness CDs don't wear out like tapes do, otherwise this one would never withstand the intense play it got over two administrations. We sincerely hoped this compilation would be able to survive the second coming of Bush, since we were pretty certain our prosperous economy wouldn't. And didn't.
Get Your Bitch On
[Or "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."]
Do you find the adjectives bitter, mad, angry, and cranky aimed at you? Well, so does the Captain, a lot. This compilation lets you know you are not alone. And lets you scream. Two for the price of one!
Irrational Exuberance
You can tell, right off, that Mr. Botts created this list. First, look at that title again. I mean, it's a CD full of happy songs. Nice, cheerful, smile-inducing songs. That is so not us. But it might be you. So here you go, Humming McJoyful. Enjoy.
Juvenile Hall
Back in our day, "being bad" did not involve blowing away your teacher and classmates. Not that we would know; we were too busy going to band camp.
Pop Goes The Vatican
On the eighth day, they made a mix tape. After the sin of our original compilation, Table For One, our collective guilt forced us to atone and repent by offering up this divine sacrifice. Holy compilation, Batman!
Shopping at GapKids
Some people like little people, and not in the way we do. While not condoning, we try to be understanding. It usually doesn't work.
The Unofficial Offical Sports Night Commemorative CD
It was a "good show" while it lasted. It had great source music. [Have no idea at all what this show was? Try this.] Instead of crying, why don't you try something healthier like listening to this homage?
Stalker Double CD Set
Pull out that restraining order, and have yourself a party. Our very first set!
Table For One
Music for a night alone. In the words of the immortal Madonna, "Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another." Our media empire was borne of this immaculate conception.
TableForOne Goes To War!
Listen to these carefully selected classics about the end of the world while watching it unfold live on CNN and Fox Propaganda Network. Sure to please everyone on your list, especially those fascist Republicans you just can't manage to exorcise from your life. (Compilation is free. Cost of military issue clear-plastic CD jewel case: $542.68)
Terra Firma
Topographical information, directional assistance, and the physical characteristics of the world we live in. All conveniently covered musically for your listening pleasure.
Turd in the Gene Pool
Ever feel like Lester Burnham at the beginning of American Beauty? Or perhaps you feel like DJ Captain Kirk on a bad day? Either way, you'll appreciate this collection of songs about self esteem.
United Colors of TableForOne
We believe in diversity. We welcome the future. We fight for freedom. And we celebrate the differences that make us people. Black. White. Red. Yellow. Pink. Brown. Chartreuse. Lilac. Eggplant. Sea foam. All the colors of the rainbow. One world. One humanity. One album. We are TableForOne Productions. (Are you wearing our clothes?)
Valentine's Day 2003
Who needs a dozen roses from some temporary Romeo when you've got a lifelong friend to send you a musical sentiment like this? Lucky for you, we are that friend. Since we can't be there to take you on a non-date for the evening, set aside 72 minutes, get comfy, put on your headphones, and don't let anyone interrupt. And remember, we love you.
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